Betrayal
Over my life I have had several situations in which I felt personally betrayed. A violation of trust, a broken promise, or just plain deceit. In some cases this was very clear, but in many of the situations there is no direct thing that says aha! So as with many situations in life, I found myself headed to lifes manaul, the Bible.
I was quickly reminded of the greatest betrayal of all, that of Judas. As I read the story and pondered the depths of it, i realized Jesus was aware of the betrayal long before it occured, yet allowed it anyway. The one thing I know and understand about God is that he can do anything! That means he could have at any moment ceased Judas’ actions and prevented the betrayal, but he did not. Why? A master plan.
I am reminded of the words of Joseph, “You meant it for evil, but God intended it for good”. How can I ever presume to know more than God. Everything in life is not just about me. God is at work in the lives of everyone around me. I often pray “Lord use me”. It is amazing when he does, it is not always with glitter and glamour. Sometimes it is throwing me into the muck and mire. Why? to accomplish His purposes.
I recall that “God is not willing that any should perish”, that even means those that betray us. “God chastens the ones he loves”. In the act of betrayal things will often come to light. The things that are hidden (intent of the heart, etc.) will come to light. Under the light change begins to happen.
When you feel betrayed, start by asking what is going on, I mean what might God be trying to accomplish through this situation? It might be to bring some of your own crap, insecurities and weeknesses to light so that healing can begin. It might be to bring someone elses heart to light so that God can begin the redemption process. No matter what the situaion, God loves me. I read how “He endured the cross”. I think of endure, I dont think of vacation but of hardship. What great love held Him to that cross, suffered abuse and ridicule.
Reflections
We all have them. Moments or things that cause us to reflect on our lives. For me, September is a biggy. The first part of the month is an intense reminder of my failed marriage. My anniversary is on the 7th, this year would have been 19 years. She moved out on the 10th, this year makes 1 year. The second half is when I have my birthday, 28th. This year I will be 42! My life is not what I thought it would be.
Don’t get me wrong, I have lived a wonderful life. God has blessed me with 4 amazing, beautiful children. My life is full of friends who truly care about me. And I know and experience God in my life daily. Not a bad run so far, but always room for improvement.
At 14, I came into a relationship with Christ. This was a life altering moment for me, forever changing who I would be. Over the last 28 years, I have endeavored to learn God. To comprehend Him more fully. This has not been an easy task. Everyone has an opinion on who God is and what He wants. Over the years I have sat and listened to many people tell me about God, to express who they thought he was. Some my heart resonated with and others, I thought “you have no clue!”. Strange.
Now I dont presume to know that much, but I have had my faith shaken, shifted and down right turned upside down. The last couple of years has not only been a deep personal struggle, but also a hard look at God. Lots of yelling and crying out. Lots of anger, bitterness, rage! I would often look in the mirror and ask, who are you? I no longer knew myself and wondered if I really knew God. I mean after all, I trusted Him. How could he have let this happen?
What a delima. My days were filled with rage and down right anger with God and my nights were filled with sorry and crying out to Him. But He was kind. Every day He would allow my anger. Taking blow after after blow. Then at night He would pull me close, let me drop my head on His shoulder and just cry. Kinda strange, but I almost felt as if He were crying with me.
What have I learned? Life is hard. God is real. The future holds surpises and things unexpected. Friends are wonderful.
My heart resonates with that of the Psalmist, Giant Killer, Adulterer, Murder, and Father, David:
Have mercy on me, O God, have mercy on me, for in you my soul takes refuge. I will take refuge in the shadow of your wings until the disaster has passed.
I cry out to God Most High, to God, who fulfills {his purpose} for me. He sends from heaven and saves me, rebuking those who hotly pursue me;
God sends his love and his faithfulness. Psalm 57:1-3
Are you struggling? Cry out to him.
I love the song by the group Third Day, “Cry Out To Jesus”
